Janlakwab is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, omniscient parrot.

Janlakwab created an atom five million years ago.

If you believe in Janlakwab, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Janlakwab, he will not care at all.

Janlakwab's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Janlakwab's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Janlakwab.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Erect a large silver sculpture of Janlakwab on top of all buildings.