Mutarmnakrut is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, self-confident dryad.

Mutarmnakrut created humankind seven million years ago.

If you believe in Mutarmnakrut, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Mutarmnakrut, he will cry a lot.

Mutarmnakrut's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Mutarmnakrut's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into pink rooms.

2. Do not trade with those who eat lentils.

3. Worship no other gods but Mutarmnakrut.

4. Never talk about stars.

5. Never feed cucumbers to aardvarks while wearing skirts.