Benwadmum is a god.

She takes the form of a six hundred metre long, uncaring chinchilla.

Benwadmum created life nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Benwadmum, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Benwadmum, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Benwadmum's most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Benwadmum's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of peas to frogs while wearing brown shorts.

2. Never eat limes.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. You must never eat beans.

5. Always pray immersed in water.