Yarlgupwod is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, awe-inspiring cat.

Yarlgupwod created parasitic wasps two million years ago.

If you believe in Yarlgupwod, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Yarlgupwod, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Yarlgupwod's most sacred site is Saint-Sauvan in France.

Yarlgupwod's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lemons to dogs while wearing violet shoes.

2. Never feed lentils to pigs while wearing corsets.

3. Always cleanse your hands after touching lead.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Do not shave your feet.