Larnlikjan is a god.

She takes the form of a slender, effective dog.

Larnlikjan created the universe three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Larnlikjan, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Larnlikjan, she will turn you into a dog.

Larnlikjan's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Larnlikjan's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from purple cats for they are unholy.

2. Never talk about dark energy near tortoises while wearing fawn coats.

3. Never touch oil while unclean.

4. Always help sick goats.

5. Larnlikjan loves snails, so they must be honoured.