Stafjinsan is a god.

It takes the form of an one thousand metre long, irritating cat.

Stafjinsan created Africa five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Stafjinsan, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Stafjinsan, it will turn you into a worm.

Stafjinsan's most sacred site is Didy in Madagascar.

Stafjinsan's Holy Commandments

1. Learn nine new languages a year.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Stafjinsan loves whales, so they must be honoured.

4. Do not speak about spinach.

5. Never mention ducks.