Jarnflatbugkenlip is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, loving alligator.

Jarnflatbugkenlip created tapeworms six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jarnflatbugkenlip, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Jarnflatbugkenlip, he will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Jarnflatbugkenlip's most sacred site is Issigeac in France.

Jarnflatbugkenlip's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hop in public.

2. Never talk about goats.

3. Jarnflatbugkenlip loves bats, so they must be respected.

4. Do not make images of living things.

5. Do not stand on grass.