Lopmutgam is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, staggering porpoise.

Lopmutgam created snails six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lopmutgam, it will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Lopmutgam, it will turn you into a hamster.

Lopmutgam's most sacred site is Didy in Madagascar.

Lopmutgam's Holy Commandments

1. Lopmutgam must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Never think about archaea.

5. Hide if nine horses approach from the north.