Japtamfar is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, weak manatee.

Japtamfar created dark energy seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Japtamfar, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Japtamfar, she will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Japtamfar's most sacred site is Karikalampakkam in India.

Japtamfar's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Retreat if three shrews approach from the south.

5. Do not chop down trees.