Hap is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, contented deer.

Hap created tapeworms four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hap, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Hap, he will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Hap's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Hap's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of oranges to snails while wearing brown tights.

2. Do not dye your hair orange.

3. Never speak the names of black holes aloud.

4. Paint representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place in mauve.

5. Always check lakes for frogs.