Flaptontarp is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, vain gorilla.

Flaptontarp created viruses three billion years ago.

If you believe in Flaptontarp, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Flaptontarp, she will turn you into a plant.

Flaptontarp's most sacred site is Questenberg in Germany.

Flaptontarp's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about electromagnetism near mites while wearing brown rings.

2. Never write about planets.

3. Draw representations of asteroids on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Do not make images of living things.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.