Lamvinlam is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, conceited gnu.

Lamvinlam created tapeworms two million years ago.

If you believe in Lamvinlam, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Lamvinlam, she will laugh at you.

Lamvinlam's most sacred site is Altata in Mexico.

Lamvinlam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Lamvinlam must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Never feed grapes to moths while wearing black shirts.

4. Never wear scarves.

5. Do not speak about bananas.