Jopnurtmap is a god.
He takes the form of a plump, cheerful
crow.
Jopnurtmap created carbon eighteen thousand years ago.
If you believe in
Jopnurtmap, he will remain indifferent to you.
If you do not believe in
Jopnurtmap, he will destroy your home galaxy.
Jopnurtmap's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.
Jopnurtmap's Holy Commandments1. Never think about dark energy near pigs while wearing fawn boots and balancing seven silicon spheres on your back.
2. Do not dye your hair pink.
3. Never talk about photosynthesis.
4. Do not wear zinc on your body.
5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.