Cibhapnut is a god.

It takes the form of a minute, tiresome lobster.

Cibhapnut created dark energy nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Cibhapnut, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Cibhapnut, it will destroy your favourite planet.

Cibhapnut's most sacred site is Saint Cado in France.

Cibhapnut's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Cibhapnut.

3. You must love Cibhapnut.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.