Gofkopweg is a god.

It takes the form of a thin, wise crab.

Gofkopweg created the planet Saturn two years ago.

If you believe in Gofkopweg, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Gofkopweg, it will turn you into a rock.

Gofkopweg's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Gofkopweg's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from violet frogs for they are unholy.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Always help sick tapirs.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Do not covet oxen.