Flatlanzogtom is a god.

It takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, thoughtless yak.

Flatlanzogtom created a strange quark seven million years ago.

If you believe in Flatlanzogtom, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Flatlanzogtom, it will turn you into a mole.

Flatlanzogtom's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Flatlanzogtom's Holy Commandments

1. Never speak at midday.

2. Never mix cherries with water.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

5. Do not cook food in pots.