Kimflamvon is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, calm donkey.

Kimflamvon created bats two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kimflamvon, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Kimflamvon, he will destroy your home solar system.

Kimflamvon's most sacred site is Questenberg in Germany.

Kimflamvon's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about archaea.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Erect five copper sculptures of Kimflamvon on top of important buildings.

5. Always make sure there are no sheep in a building before entering it.