Camtonfet is a god.

It takes the form of a minute, ill-tempered cow.

Camtonfet created the Sun two billion years ago.

If you believe in Camtonfet, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Camtonfet, it will throw large rocks at you.

Camtonfet's most sacred site is Artena in Italy.

Camtonfet's Holy Commandments

1. Do not sit at crossroads.

2. Never talk about dark energy near shrews while wearing cyan shorts and balancing three aluminium spheres on your legs.

3. Never think about planets.

4. Do not take Camtonfet's name in vain.

5. Camtonfet loves badgers, so they must be honoured.