Tikjigsaw is a god.

It takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, boastful capybara.

Tikjigsaw created Europe seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Tikjigsaw, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Tikjigsaw, it will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Tikjigsaw's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Tikjigsaw's Holy Commandments

1. Remain bowed during prayer.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Tikjigsaw.

3. Never speak at midnight.

4. Do not kill voles.

5. Never eat nuts on holy days.