Quartkenloop is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, moody shrew.

Quartkenloop created dark energy nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Quartkenloop, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Quartkenloop, she will not care.

Quartkenloop's most sacred site is Karikalampakkam in India.

Quartkenloop's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear gray clothing.

2. Draw representations of stars on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Never approach rivers carrying bone.

4. Shun those given to greed.

5. Always help whales in need.