Zenhadtit is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, passionate tapir.

Zenhadtit created Africa eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Zenhadtit, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Zenhadtit, she will turn you into a puffin.

Zenhadtit's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Zenhadtit's Holy Commandments

1. Never point your chest toward the west during prayer.

2. Always check lakes for frogs.

3. Never write about quantum gravity.

4. Always wash your neck before prayer.

5. Never talk about nucleic acids.