Yarllittam Kimtalfem is a god.

He takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, stupid bee.

Yarllittam Kimtalfem created a quark four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Yarllittam Kimtalfem, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Yarllittam Kimtalfem, he will turn you into a sheep.

Yarllittam Kimtalfem's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Yarllittam Kimtalfem's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Never talk about special relativity near great tits while wearing violet shirts and balancing four nickel spheres on your head.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Never write about cell theory.

5. Do not wear green clothing.