Quartjapsandhugarm is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, narcissistic ferret.

Quartjapsandhugarm created gold two billion years ago.

If you believe in Quartjapsandhugarm, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Quartjapsandhugarm, she will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Quartjapsandhugarm's most sacred site is Evol in France.

Quartjapsandhugarm's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear white.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Always make sure there are no sharks in a building before entering it.

4. Always help porpoises in need.

5. Respect your elders.