Haplip is a god.

It takes the form of a huge, stupid faun.

Haplip created time and space three million years ago.

If you believe in Haplip, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Haplip, it will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Haplip's most sacred site is Inshas in Egypt.

Haplip's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear violet.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Grasshopers are not to be trusted.

4. Never write about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

5. Never feed lots of turnips to nematodes while wearing black jumpers.