Nakbaddav Dussquaffed is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, self-assured octopus.

Nakbaddav Dussquaffed created vertebrates nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nakbaddav Dussquaffed, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Nakbaddav Dussquaffed, she will destroy your favourite star.

Nakbaddav Dussquaffed's most sacred site is Gara in Hungary.

Nakbaddav Dussquaffed's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in black rooms.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Never talk about aardvarks.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of silicon.

5. Always make sure there are no gulls in a room before entering it.