Lagnilfas is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, caring human.

Lagnilfas created a photon nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Lagnilfas, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Lagnilfas, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Lagnilfas' most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Lagnilfas' Holy Commandments

1. Never look at nebulae.

2. Never talk about sharks.

3. Never mention geese.

4. Do not wear red clothing.

5. Feed all hungry nematodes.