Gessyimfar is a god.

She takes the form of a five hundred metre long, impressive lion.

Gessyimfar created the planet Saturn nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gessyimfar, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Gessyimfar, she will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Gessyimfar's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Gessyimfar's Holy Commandments

1. Bats are not to be trusted.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Never talk about porpoises.

5. Never paint your hands yellow.