Apphattarp is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, confident giraffe.

Apphattarp created the Andromeda Galaxy five billion years ago.

If you believe in Apphattarp, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Apphattarp, he will refuse to believe in you.

Apphattarp's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Apphattarp's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Apphattarp's name in vain.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. You must pray to Apphattarp nine times a day.

4. Never laugh in holy places.

5. Do not cook food in pots.