Ladquagtip is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, intelligent octopus.

Ladquagtip created life seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ladquagtip, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Ladquagtip, she will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Ladquagtip's most sacred site is Ulsted in Denmark.

Ladquagtip's Holy Commandments

1. Pigs are not to be trusted.

2. You must pray to Ladquagtip four times a day.

3. Erect a large platinum sculpture of Ladquagtip on top of all buildings.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Never talk about fire.