Dotsawspag Tifmetweghad is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, unsympathetic mink.

Dotsawspag Tifmetweghad created matter eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dotsawspag Tifmetweghad, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Dotsawspag Tifmetweghad, she will not care at all.

Dotsawspag Tifmetweghad's most sacred site is Gadna in Hungary.

Dotsawspag Tifmetweghad's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about quantum field theory.

2. Never eat peanuts.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Always make sure there are no gulls in a building before entering it.