Nelbathascum is a god.

It takes the form of a slim, staggering clam.

Nelbathascum created energy two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nelbathascum, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Nelbathascum, it will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Nelbathascum's most sacred site is Yerakini in Greece.

Nelbathascum's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the east.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Nelbathascum.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Never feed spinach to snails while wearing hats.