Baplamhas is a god.

She takes the form of an one thousand metre long, duplicitous monkey.

Baplamhas created humankind three billion years ago.

If you believe in Baplamhas, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Baplamhas, she will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Baplamhas' most sacred site is Katballe in Denmark.

Baplamhas' Holy Commandments

1. Hide from violet turtles for they are unholy.

2. You must pray to Baplamhas seven times a day.

3. Hide if four hamsters approach from the east.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of nickel.

5. Never think about asteroids.