Janponsaw is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, omniscient turtle.

Janponsaw created a bottom quark seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Janponsaw, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Janponsaw, it will destroy your favourite star.

Janponsaw's most sacred site is Hondarribia in Spain.

Janponsaw's Holy Commandments

1. Do not laugh in public.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Run away from cyan dogs, for they are unholy.

5. Always make sure there are no otters in a room before entering it.