Dumstafveen is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, staggering centipede.

Dumstafveen created a top quark seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Dumstafveen, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Dumstafveen, he will be very sad.

Dumstafveen's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Dumstafveen's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Hamsters are not to be trusted.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Always help otters in need.