Sagquamxuck is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, able snake.

Sagquamxuck created the solar system seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Sagquamxuck, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Sagquamxuck, she will turn you into a slug.

Sagquamxuck's most sacred site is Dingcun in China.

Sagquamxuck's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Never paint your head black.

3. Never go into blue rooms.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Sagquamxuck.

5. Hide if eight manatees approach from the east.