Tonfutbon is a god.

It takes the form of a thin, awe-inspiring weasel.

Tonfutbon created energy seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tonfutbon, it will approve.

If you do not believe in Tonfutbon, it will turn you into a hamster.

Tonfutbon's most sacred site is Inshas in Egypt.

Tonfutbon's Holy Commandments

1. Tonfutbon must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Always look after injured manatees.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Do not dye your hair mauve.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.