Jarn is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, narcissistic lion.

Jarn created snails two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jarn, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Jarn, it will try to impress you with trees.

Jarn's most sacred site is Kottucherry in India.

Jarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never pray while filled with envy.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Jarn.

3. Do not name children after seals.

4. Never remain kneeling at dawn.

5. Always make sure there are no ants in a room before entering it.