Kemhatcen is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, self-assured gerbil.

Kemhatcen created a strange quark four million years ago.

If you believe in Kemhatcen, she will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Kemhatcen, she will turn you into a hamster.

Kemhatcen's most sacred site is Vandet in Denmark.

Kemhatcen's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no porpoises in a building before entering it.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate aardvarks.

3. Never hurt foxes.

4. Erect a large zinc sculpture of Kemhatcen on top of all buildings.

5. Never eat bark.