Matlikdib is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, thoughtless snake.

Matlikdib created Europe seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Matlikdib, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Matlikdib, she will destroy your favourite solar system.

Matlikdib's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Matlikdib's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about photosynthesis.

2. Do not keep four sharks in a large pit.

3. Never skip in the presence of pigs.

4. Feed all hungry goats.

5. Hide if five dolphins approach from the north.