Hotkamxuck is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, unfair tortoise.

Hotkamxuck created a quark two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hotkamxuck, it will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Hotkamxuck, it will not invite you to parties.

Hotkamxuck's most sacred site is Gomba in Hungary.

Hotkamxuck's Holy Commandments

1. Never sit near eagles.

2. Pray towards the north.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. You must never eat figs.