Lagmilhudjarn is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, uncaring centipede.

Lagmilhudjarn created the world three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lagmilhudjarn, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Lagmilhudjarn, she will have a very low opinion of you.

Lagmilhudjarn's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Lagmilhudjarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed oranges to porpoises while wearing mauve tights.

2. Never allow dogs to witness sacred rites.

3. You must pray to Lagmilhudjarn three times a day.

4. Always remove stockings before entering holy places.

5. Never adorn your back with purple markings.