Kemnarlrut is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, blissful swallow.

Kemnarlrut created life six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kemnarlrut, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Kemnarlrut, he will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Kemnarlrut's most sacred site is Pisterzo in Italy.

Kemnarlrut's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Put Kemnarlrut first in all things.

4. Hide from orange pigs for they are unholy.

5. Do not leap in public.