Arphigtip is a god.

It takes the form of a five hundred metre long, charitable hyena.

Arphigtip created light two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Arphigtip, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Arphigtip, it will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Arphigtip's most sacred site is Ringsted in Denmark.

Arphigtip's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Arphigtip.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Learn three new languages a year.

5. Do not listen to music.