Bissjabfongovfunhak is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, uncaring horse.

Bissjabfongovfunhak created humanity four million years ago.

If you believe in Bissjabfongovfunhak, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Bissjabfongovfunhak, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Bissjabfongovfunhak's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Bissjabfongovfunhak's Holy Commandments

1. Learn three new languages a year.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Erect a giant blue sculpture of Bissjabfongovfunhak in the centre of the settlement.

4. Never go into black rooms.

5. You must never eat bananas.