Flatrenvin is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, wise dolphin.

Flatrenvin created a Higgs boson eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Flatrenvin, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Flatrenvin, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Flatrenvin's most sacred site is Neravy in India.

Flatrenvin's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry porpoises.

2. Never think about the weak nuclear force.

3. Do not speak about wheat.

4. Never paint your hands cyan.

5. Learn eight new languages a year.