Hancissvab Bensterarn is a god.

She takes the form of a large, unthoughtful raccoon.

Hancissvab Bensterarn created an electron eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Hancissvab Bensterarn, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Hancissvab Bensterarn, she will turn you into a giant snail.

Hancissvab Bensterarn's most sacred site is Krina in Germany.

Hancissvab Bensterarn's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Do not utter prayers while touching titanium.

3. Retreat if three goats approach from the north.

4. Heed all portents.

5. You must pray to Hancissvab Bensterarn five times a day.