Arptonquaf is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, fussy cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Arptonquaf created the world two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Arptonquaf, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Arptonquaf, he will attempt to scare you with hail.

Arptonquaf's most sacred site is Miiluranta in Finland.

Arptonquaf's Holy Commandments

1. Do not make images of living things.

2. Do not chant in public.

3. Do not wear red clothing.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Do not drink water in gray rooms.