Lakxucktof is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, self-confident jackal.

Lakxucktof created a top quark twelve years ago.

If you believe in Lakxucktof, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Lakxucktof, he will turn you into a dog.

Lakxucktof's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Lakxucktof's Holy Commandments

1. Draw representations of asteroids on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Never jump in holy places.

3. Never go into turquoise rooms.

4. Do not drink water in cyan rooms.

5. Never talk about nucleic acids.