Goftenwad is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, bad-tempered hare.

Goftenwad created the planet Saturn eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Goftenwad, it will approve.

If you do not believe in Goftenwad, it will not invite you to parties.

Goftenwad's most sacred site is Artena in Italy.

Goftenwad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat cherries.

2. Never feed apples to monkeys while wearing trousers.

3. Never gather six cats in one place.

4. Erect a large titanium sculpture of Goftenwad on top of all buildings.

5. Never think about comets.