Lanzodlap is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, overgenerous chicken.

Lanzodlap created a Higgs boson three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lanzodlap, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Lanzodlap, he will turn you into a rock.

Lanzodlap's most sacred site is Sirama in Madagascar.

Lanzodlap's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate manatees.

2. Never paint your face magenta.

3. Do not drink water in brown rooms.

4. Never feed tomatoes to turtles while wearing white rings.

5. Always take life seriously.